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Josh Brolin in "W."
Makeup Mishaps

There have been some downright awful makeup jobs and prosthetic blunders in Hollywood history. In (dis)honor of 'W.,' here are the worst offenses ...


By Kim Morgan
Special to MSN Movies


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The act of transforming, it can't always be accomplished from the inside; sometimes we need a little cosmetic assistance, especially in Hollywood. And we're not talking plastic surgery, Pilates or salicylic acid peels; we're talking makeup, prosthetics and fat suits, an art form that has existed since the beginning of cinema. From Lon Chaney's ingenious and innovative creations, like his remarkable Quasimodo from "The Hunchback of Notre Dame," to Rick Baker's brilliant American werewolves in London to Lee Grimes' team de-glamming Charlize Theron's mug in "Monster," makeup is enough to make or break a movie. And it even helps wins Oscars (see Nicole Kidman's nose in "The Hours" and Theron's teeth and skin in "Monster").

With that in mind, we can't wait to see the cavalcade of made-up actors in Oliver Stone's already controversial "W.," a movie that casts the younger and more handsome Josh Brolin as President George W. Bush through various stages of his life. Will it work? Or will we crack up every time hottie Elizabeth Banks walks on as Laura Bush? All of this "W" (Dubya) anticipation has us thinking about other movies that have used and, in this case, abused the makeup brush. Here are 10 examples that could really use another makeover.

"Breakfast at Tiffany's" (1961)

The offense: Insane Asian Persuasion

The cosmetically challenged: Mickey Rooney as Mr. Yunioshi

The lipstick on the collar: Cinema boasts (or hangs its head in shame over, rather) a long list of Asian characters played not so convincingly by Anglo-Saxon actors. From the misguided but not necessarily offensive performances (Marlon Brando in "The Teahouse of the August Moon," Katharine Hepburn in "Dragon Seed," John Wayne in "The Conqueror") to the downright appalling (Rob Schneider in "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry"), Asians have and continue to receive the "no ticky, no laundry" treatment, even during our supposedly more enlightened era. But perhaps the worst and most iconic politically incorrect offender is Mickey Rooney's perpetually perturbed photographer Mr. Yunioshi in Blake Edwards' otherwise charming classic "Breakfast at Tiffany's." As neighbor to Audrey Hepburn's flighty Holly Golightly, Mr. Yunioshi is a man whose life consists of eating bowls of noodles, sleeping on his futon and screaming at the doorbell: "Miss Golightly! I proteeeest!" With false buck teeth, darkened skin and slicked, black hair, the look and act was so insulting that a young Bruce Lee reportedly stared at the screen in disgusted disbelief, vowing to change the face of Asians in cinema forever. (With that in mind, perhaps Mr. Yunioshi wasn't so bad, after all.) Nevertheless, even director Edwards has admitted to a serious error in judgment by allowing such a performance, and more than likely cringes every time the movie switches from little black dresses to little white kimonos. "Miss Golightly! You-a disturbing me!" Really? You disturb us, Mr. Rooney.

"Trog" (1970)

The offense: Monkey Dearest

The cosmetically challenged: Joe Cornelius as Trog

The lipstick on the collar: Regarding bad prosthetics, wretched makeup and general missing link unlikeness, it almost feels like shooting fish in a barrel going after such classic camp fare as "Trog." But the fact remains: This is one of the worst renderings of a troglodyte in cinema history. OK, so there aren't many troglodytes to choose from, but star Joan Crawford (who in her final role plays a sensitive anthropologist studying the behavior of a trapped cave creature she names Trog) is one game gal acting her talented heart out to a hairy man in a busted up Halloween monkey mask. Forget "Mildred Pierce," this is what Joan should have won her Oscar for. Even Bette Davis (who must have enjoyed a good cackle over this one) would agree. And, equally as important, Joan's makeup is far superior.

"Soul Man" (1986)

The offense: Soul Mammy

The cosmetically challenged: C. Thomas Howell (in blackface) as Mark Watson

The lipstick on the collar: "Soul Man," a misguided mid-'80s effort to tackle both political correctness and racism, gets seriously lost while exploring something like what John Howard Griffin experienced in "Black Like Me" -- something like. A lighthearted college comedy spiked with last act moments of truth (wait a second ... racism is bad! And it still exists! Even with "The Cosby Show" on TV!) is not enough to accept C. Thomas Howell as a young black man attending Harvard (or anywhere, really). With his darkened skin and fright wig, he looks either like a bratty, bizarre rich kid who would get his ass served to him in a Compton minute or a bratty, bizarre rich kid abusing the suntan lotion while idling in Cabo San Lucas during spring break. If you're going to work with something as racially charged as blackface you better know what you're doing. Or hire Robert Downey Jr.

"Battlefield Earth" (2000)

The offense: Saturday Fright Fever

The cosmetically challenged: John Travolta as Terl

The lipstick on the collar: Even after living in our collective consciousness for nearly 10 years, enough time to potentially soften our view toward a fondness for crap (it happens), "Battlefield Earth" is still one of the worst, if not the worst, science fiction movies of this decade. That was easy. What's not easy is dragging the uninitiated reader through the plot, not because it's terribly complicated, but because it involves things like Psychlos and Man Animals and Clinkos and a character named Terl, the evil leader of a greedy race of aliens intent on destroying Barry Pepper's career -- I mean character. Quite memorably, John Travolta, fueled by the fire of his Scientologist master L. Ron Hubbard (who wrote the "classic" source novel) is Terl, a laughing, long-haired lunatic who, along with his hair and makeup person, actually thinks he's scaring viewers by cross-pollinating a Rastafarian with a werewolf and Amy Winehouse (incredibly, before Winehouse was famous). Wait, now that's kind of ingenious. Where's the nearest recruitment center?

"Vampire in Brooklyn" (1995)

The offense: Where's Rick Baker When You Need Him?

The cosmetically challenged: Eddie Murphy as Maximillian/Preacher Pauly/Guido

The lipstick on the collar: Eddie Murphy likes performing while encased in loads of makeup and pounds of prosthetics with results ranging from incredibly amusing and cosmetically innovative ("Coming to America," "The Nutty Professor") to only prosthetically impressive ("Norbit," a wretched movie but Oscar nominated for makeup and special effects by the master Rick Baker). Sadly, "Vampire in Brooklyn" is neither amusing nor inventive, and Murphy slumps through the dreary horror comedy (directed by Wes Craven; what were you thinking, Mr. Craven?) with a depressing lack of zest. The makeup does not help, and, after working with Baker in "Coming to America," Murphy had to have felt the difference. Save for his more inspired Preacher character, Murphy seems trapped by cheap hair, badly applied putty and layers of Cover Girl. The only thing funny or scary here is the makeup, but obviously for all the wrong reasons. We can ask not only, "Where's Rick Baker when you need him?" but also, "Where's John Landis and Wesley Snipes?" Now, that would have been interesting.

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