'Twilight' Is Here at Last, but Does It Suck? (Continued)

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I suspect that the search for perfection isn't the real reason so many teens are eager to see this movie.

Rather, it's how the book captures that awful ecstasy of yearning, which for many is a driving force of adolescence. No matter how many times you find yourself laughing at the over-the-top characterization, you can still feel the desire Edward has for Bella. This is a credit to Pattinson, who does something with his mouth that makes Edward seem appealing even to those who would mock his sparkles, his stormy hairdo and his gravity-defying collars.

This doesn't mean kids will not laugh at some of the moments of inadvertent humor, like, say, the scene in which Bella's police-chief dad cracks open his second can of beer while he's cleaning a gun (seriously, the man likes his beer). But this movie is like that line from "Dirty Dancing": "Nobody puts baby in a corner." We can laugh at something and still love it at the same time.

From a fan's point of view, the movie has two weaknesses: the really lame special effects and the diminished roles of Alice and Jasper. In the book, Jasper has mind-calming powers; in the movie, he's a bug-eyed character with really bad hair and little else to recommend him. And Alice doesn't talk about shopping at all. What's up with that?

What's in It for Parents

Plenty of grown women love the "Twilight" books and will be just as eager to see the movie as their adolescent daughters. They'll love Edward, and Stewart makes for a surprisingly appealing Bella. Though Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) doesn't get a lot of screen time, the "Team Jacob" contingent will be dazzled by his fine teeth and flowing mane. Forgive me for making him sound like a pony; Meyer oozes so many florid passages describing her characters' looks that these things really do matter in an adaptation.

Parents who are just going because someone needed to drive car pool, though, will probably most enjoy the relentless chastity that drives the plot.

The high schoolers in Forks agonize about prom dates and dresses. They tease each other with worms and strings of kelp, and, like elementary school kids, seem completely unaware that these things might be viewed as phallic symbols. The kids are also prudish; one of Bella's few human friends comments on how weird it is that the Cullen kids are living with their significant others. And Bella? She wears a cardigan ... at the prom.

In a ridiculously sexed-up teen world, it's remarkable that Meyer, a Mormon, has made restraint so incredibly appealing. It's not a stretch at all to link sex with death in her world. Many parents are applauding and hoping their kids find the strength to stop at kissing -- oh, and maybe family baseball games and tree-climbing.

Speaking of Meyer, she makes a huge cameo in "Twilight," and it makes for an interesting comparison with the cameo that the "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" authors made in their adaptation. Where they appeared in a restaurant-scene background, Meyer is front and center in the town diner, served by name. It's about as subtle as Edward's Volvo in a parking lot full of beaters.

It's this sort of stunt (along with a constantly churning soundtrack and lingering scenes of Bella and Edward on their backs in a field of wildflowers) that makes this movie feel more like a marketing device or '80s music video than an artistic statement by itself.

But that doesn't mean the target audience won't love it, or that there won't be more of it. The ending leaves the door wide open for a sequel. And, no doubt, the adoring audience will bite.

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Martha Brockenbrough is MSN's Cinemama, for the Parents' Movie Guide. She is also the author of Things That Make Us [Sic], a guide to funny bad grammar published by St. Martin's press. She also blogs about family life for Cozi.com, and writes an educational humor column for Encarta. Check out her Web site.

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