2008 Winter Movie Guide

The Pitch
Who can forget the hideous fate of the corrupt soul who solved the puzzle of the Lament Configuration and opened a door to hell? Or his stomach-turning resurrection? Or the rage of the demonic Cenobites, S&M aficionados? Admittedly, it's been 20 years since the first "Hellraiser," so here's a remake to jog your memory.

The Scoop
You gotta wonder about Clive Barker's rationale for re-envisioning his 1987 hit "Hellraiser." Why not break brand-new ground, raise new horrors? "Project Greenlight" prodigies Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton ("Feast") are on board for rewrites, and having honed their skills on horror classics such as "Saw IV" and "Saw V," the duo will undoubtedly take this new adaptation of Barker's "The Hellbound Heart" to undreamed-of heights -- or, more likely, depths.

The Pitch
"Klaatu barada nicto." Need I say more? OK, just in case you've somehow lived in ignorance of the 1951 classic and are unprepared for the remake: An alien and a robot come to Earth to check out our ecological credentials, which look pretty shabby to environmentally enlightened Klaatu and Gort.

The Scoop
A kind of messianic fervor flavors "Day" and director Derrickson's obviously hot for matters religious and spiritual: His last film was 2005's "The Exorcism of Emily Rose," and he's just finished "Paradise Lost" -- would you believe a movie of Milton's grand, ultra-cinematic poem? Affectless Reeves was born to play Klaatu, and Connelly, with her dark, liquid gaze, makes a perfect Earth Mother. And, along with Gort (now more cyborg than robot), something very like that cool, superscary black mist from "Lost" threatens the world.

The Pitch
Some folks lost in the dark Alabama backwoods take shelter in the Wayside Inn, where Jigsaw ... whoops, I mean The Tin Man, offers only one way to escape -- to bloodily murder of one of their own. Otherwise, it's curtains for them all when the sun rises.

The Scoop
From "The Badge" (2002) to "THR3E" (2006), Robby Henson's star has steadily dimmed, though he clearly hopes this "Saw" rip-off will goose his wattage. Adapted from Ted Dekker's popular novel (so was "THR3E"), "House" practically screams, "Welcome! Every room comes with cheap chills, thrills and gore galore!"

The Pitch
Is there a new law that all horror films must be remakes -- or does this suckworthy trend simply signal the death of imagination and originality? A guy who survived the first Valentine Day massacre comes back to town 10 years later -- and finds that everybody thinks he's carrying on the bloody holiday tradition.

The Scoop
Back in 1981, "My Bloody Valentine" came at the tail end of the unholy spatter-film fad begun by "Halloween." Unlike the John Carpenter masterpiece, "Valentine" and all the other really scary movies set on holidays or special events ("Prom Night," "Black Christmas," "Friday the 13th") just gave good gore and ever-more-innovative ways of dispatching victims. But, hey, this remake is in 3-D, and that, you can be sure, will make all the difference -- look out, that ax is gonna split your face!

The Pitch
It's bad enough when your husband and brother-in-law become comatose after a terrible accident. But what's a woman (Gellar) to do when hubby's bro (Pace) miraculously awakens and claims he's your husband?

The Scoop
No, it's not the 2002 classy literary adaptation, but yet another remake of an Asian scarefest ("Jungdok"). Two directors nobody's ever heard of were required to wrestle this one through many, many reshoots. Why, oh why, must our beloved Buffy be condemned to horror half-life in such dreck? Still, Lee Pace, the sweetie from TV's "Pushing Daisies" and dashing star of "The Fall" will be easy on the eyes.

The Pitch
In the RoboCop tradition, a rookie detective (Macht) gets rubbed out, then resurrects as the Spirit, a righteous crime-fighter. Just in time, too, because the Octopus (Jackson), dastardly evildoer that he is, schemes to destroy Central City. And how can a superhero resist a veritable tidal wave of sexy distractions -- among them Sand Saref (Mendes) and Silken Floss (Johansson) -- each of whom lusts to destroy and/or seduce the Spirit?

The Scoop
What more do you need to know than Frank "Noir" Miller, master of macho Spartans and sinful cities ("My city, I can not deny her. My city screams. She is my mother. She is my lover, and I am her Spirit."), directs Will Eisner's classic comic. The Spirit -- a dark shadow punctuated by a blood-red tie, fedora'd, masked -- drifts through Miller's digitally enhanced mean streets like Death in the guise of Sam Spade.

The Pitch
Here's teenage love, supernatural style, with the new girl in town trying to keep up with her homework while being distracted by vampires, some breathtakingly gorgeous, others not-so-nice.

The Scoop
Who better to helm Stephenie Meyer's hot Romeo-and-Juliet property than Hardwicke, the tough cookie who has a track record authenticating teen life on-screen (see "Lords of Dogtown" and "Thirteen"). The plot is as old and potent as hormones: Back in the day the Bad Boy would have been rebel James Dean or a Brando biker dude. Maverick girls always go for sexy outsiders, especially when passion spells danger -- like a hickey to die for.

The Pitch
No. 3 in this misbegotten franchise, "Rise of the Lycans" heads back in time for another big box-office bite -- and shows how the Romeo-and-Juliet love affair between a vampire princess and an enslaved werewolf caused the two races to become eternal enemies.

The Scoop
Dreaming up a prequel permits Sheen (Lucian, tortured werewolf) and Nighy (Viktor, boss vampire) to be resurrected (their characters killed each other off at the end of the first "Underworld") -- and the presence of these charismatic Brits will doubtless prick audience interest. Kate Beckinsale has graduated to "serious" roles, so sexy Mitra ("Doomsday") steps in as the miscegenating vampchick. If you have a sweet tooth for wolfmen- bloodsucker mythology, "Rise" will surely top your moviegoing menu.

The Pitch
Here's yet another Hollywood redo of a mediocre Asian horror flick, this one titled "A Tale of Two Sisters" (2003). A teen comes home from a loony bin to find bad-to-the-bone stepmother (Banks) ready to make her life hell. Throw in a ghost for shivers, and set the scare-machine on autopilot.

The Scoop
Do not confuse "The Uninvited" with the atmospheric 1944 haunted-house movie, always a pleasure to screen. No, this probable dud arrives in the wake of Ring-Grudge-Eye-Dark Water, each Asian-horror rip-off earning fewer bucks than the last. Will Banks, who's everywhere on the big screen these days, elevate this spook show or will it die at the box office? At least the ever-stellar Strathairn ("Good Night, and Good Luck.") is on board to lend the proceedings some class.