17 Again

In the panoply of disconcerting situations that can arise when someone grows suddenly young or old through the transformative magic of Hollywood plotting (or rather, repeddled plotting), having your teenage child suddenly look at you with sincere lust has to be the worst.

So consider the dilemma of poor Burr Steers, who directed "17 Again," a mildly amusing rip-off of "Big" intended for the teen and tween set. Steers has as his star heartthrob Zac Efron, playing the dual role of Mike O'Donnell, as a teen, and then as an adult in his teenage body. He's first seen in 1989 as a high school basketball star pledging to marry his newly knocked-up girlfriend. There's a brief interlude with Matthew Perry playing soon-to-be-divorced adult Mike, a man so dour and disappointed in his life that he makes a better case for teen abstinence than Levi Johnston.

Then, after an encounter with a wise old man, Efron reappears, this time as a Mike who is emotionally 37, but a divine 17-year-old physically. Convinced he's been put on this path for some sort of psychic do-over, he immediately enrolls in his old high school, alongside his own son and daughter. He pretends to be the long lost bastard son of Mike's best friend, computer genius Ned (Thomas Lennon, who manages to be funny without moving his face). Efron's Mike is considerate and kind and possessed of abs so sweetly steely that even someone old enough to be his mother might be tempted to reach out a trembling hand to ... Look, officer, I just wanted to make sure he wasn't running a fever. Because he looked hot.

These are extremely treacherous waters for a comic ship to sail through and, for an audience, highly frustrating. Efron can't kiss anyone in this movie, not Mike's sullen daughter Maggie (Michelle Trachtenberg) and none of her eager classmates, either, because that would be Wrong and Creepy. So what about Mike's soon-to-be ex-wife, Scarlett (the ever-lovely Leslie Mann), who needs to be wooed back if the family unit is to be restored? Scarlett, not being blind like the rest of the characters, has noticed that young/old Mike, now palling around with their son Alex (Sterling Knight) is a dead ringer for her husband at 17. She and Efron have got a serious spark, but that too would be Wrong.

The audience must instead take refuge in the age-appropriate but ridiculous romance between Lennon and the delightful Melora Hardin, who plays Mike's principal. Which brings us to the existential question of Efron. Is there a point to having him appear in a movie in which he is not allowed to even kiss anyone? I think not. He's not culpable for what's wrong with "17 Again" -- he was told to be adorable and he complied. But a movie that has you longing for either an exploration of incestuous desires or an extreme case of cougar-cub hanky-panky, instead has to somehow ingeniously offset that creepiness. "Back to the Future" managed it, but "17 Again" screenwriter Jason Filardi's script doesn't even come close.

Different casting might help. Matthew Perry, God love him and his hands-in-pockets, cynical shtick, is no match for Efron. We have no sense as to how the absurdly effervescent boy could have turned into the sexless grump with the downcast mouth. Once the natural order is inevitably restored, we want Scarlett to have as much fun with Matthew Perry's character as she would with the young/old version embodied by Efron. Someone should have given John Stamos a call.

And that's just the physical side of things. It's never clear why Mike and Scarlett are breaking up. Teen pregnancy is hard on individuals and couples, but, from the looks of their middle-class home and daughter bound for Georgetown, they seem to have managed better than most. In the end, everything seems to have been a contrivance to get Efron back into high school. His recent decision to bag on the remake of "Footloose" now makes a lot more sense; he must have seen an early print of "17 Again."

Also: Gallery: Invasion of the Body Switchers