Despite the fame, fortune, incredible body and a head of hair that most women would buzz cut their own mothers for, it would sometimes suck to be Jennifer Aniston.

This week, the tabloids are all about counterprogramming, and they're battling People's huge exclusive on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's wonder twins by speculating on Jen's future with John Mayer, her boyfriend of four whole months.

"Wedding of the year," trumpets the cover of OK!, which inexplicably showcases a photo of the actress taken in October 2005. "Finally over Brad: Jen & John's backyard ceremony."

The comely pair's "intimate" Beverly Hills vow-swap would supposedly take place this fall and feature the bride walking down the aisle in a strapless Vera Wang gown, with best friend Courteney Cox assuming matron-of-honor duties.

Champagne, oysters and orchids would be plentiful at the ostensible nuptials, which they'd cap off with a honeymoon to Jen's ancestral homeland of Greece, says the excited mag.

"She's at an age where she is thinking with her head not just her heart," relays an Aniston insider. "No way would she still be with anyone if marriage wasn't a real option."

(Mayer, for his part, declared earlier this year that he's on the hunt for a wife, preferably one who keeps the complaining to a minimum.)

According to the magazine, Jen isn't interested in a blowout bash like the one she had with Pitt back in 2000, when they marked their doomed million-dollar Malibu knot-tying with 50,000 flowers, four different bands and a $20,000 fireworks display.

"She doesn't want anything elaborate or showy," shares a "friend," with another pal chiming in, "They are just a perfect match. And everything about that will come through in this beautiful wedding."

Not to be outdone, Star has Aniston skipping right over the pesky 'I do' process and making a beeline for the mommy track.

"Having John's baby: 'Now it's my turn!" blares the cover, with the kicker, "As Brad & Angie's twins wow the world, Jen will finally get what she's always wanted, too."

There isn't enough "oy" in the world for this, but anyhoo, Star believes Aniston, 39, is ready to procreate with Mayer, 30, who, just to reiterate, she's been seeing for only a few months.

"She feels so loved," enthuses a mole. "John has really been doting on her. I mean, the presents, phone calls, romantic dinners -- he's laying it on thick. It all makes Jen feel really important and special."

Aniston, who has spent a good portion of the summer watching Mayer belt out his hits on various stops of his world tour, "feels so strongly that John is 'the one,'" adds yet another snitch. "She knows he can handle being a dad."

Maybe he can and maybe he can't, but either way, Jen's rep says the bridal and bun-in-the-oven talk is so much bunk.

"She is not getting married," her spokesman pooh-poohs to Us. "Both headlines are complete fabrications."