Keira Knightley may grace the coveted cover of the latest Vogue, but not even an official stamp of approval from the beauty bible is enough to get her to stop picking apart her perceived flaws. In a sit-down with Britain's GMTV, the self-esteem-lacking, eating disorder-denying "Pirates of the Caribbean" beauty once again bemoans her inability to pack on the pounds, although this time she's more specific as to where she'd like some extra baggage. "I would love to have t*ts!" she declares. And if she had her décolletage druthers, she says (again) she'd love to "have Monica Bellucci's figure." Unfortunately, Keira sighs, "I'm never going to get it. I'm naturally who I am." This is the second time in recent weeks that Knightley has kvetched about her lack of cleavage, telling Total Film magazine of her "Pirates" action figure, "It's nothing like me. She's got t*ts, for a start! I don't have t*ts." But she rules out going under the knife to give herself a boost. "It's far too frightening," she says. "I couldn't."

Ewan McGregor is taking issue with claims that he recently stocked up on the jockey short equivalent of a padded bra. Australia's Daily Telegraph reports the actor, whose naughty bits have more than held their own on the big screen, has received a written apology from the Down Under undie company aussieBum (go ahead, giggle -- we did) for saying he placed a "huge order" for the so-called Wonderjock (hee), which boasts that it can "lift and promote" the male anatomy. "He's a fan of the brand generally and has bought several different items from the range but certainly not the Wonderjock," a mea culpa-issuing aussieBum mouthpiece tells the paper. "Given his reputation, we doubt very much there would be a need for this."

With rumors swirling about the state of Nicole Richie's relationship with Joel Madden, his ex, Hilary Duff, reveals how her perception of the Good Charlotte frontman changed after his hookup with the paparazzi-baiting starlet. "We were not a couple who would go out and be seen together," she explains to Hollywood Life magazine. "That wasn't our thing. So you do wonder why they do it now when they were so against it before. You're like, 'Wait, were you really that person who didn't like that public lifestyle, or was I just a fool?'" As for frenemy Lindsay Lohan, Duff opts for ambiguity, clucking, "If a person is facing the consequences of a dumb decision, it's hard to feel sorry for them."

Speaking of Lohan and dumb decisions, is she getting cavalier with her public quaffing? The New York Post claims the rehabbed, mentor-needing starlet was "drinking vodka straight from the bottle" while club-hopping in Manhattan late last week. TMZ adds that the newly puffy lipped LiLo was back in Los Angeles over the weekend hitting various hot spots sans her dud of a new honey, Calum Best. But don't get your hopes up. Pals tell the Post the dysfunctional duo is "still going strong."

Leonardo DiCaprio was forced to defend his earth-friendly street cred while promoting his eco-documentary "11th Hour" at the Cannes Film Festival on Saturday. The New York Daily News says a journalist questioned whether the A-lister had flown to France in a pollution-emitting private plane, prompting him to retort, "No, I took a train across the Atlantic." When the reporter pointed out that celebrities often urge others to go green while globe-trotting in luxury aircraft (*cough*John Travolta*cough*), DiCaprio insisted he winged to the festival with the hoi polloi. Said the actor, "I try to travel commercial as much as I can ... We're all trying the best we can. Truly, we really are." Alas, no good deed goes unpunished, and Leo's attempt to do his part to lessen his carbon footprint left him without even a change of shoes: According to People, his luggage was lost en route the French Riviera.

Next: Jessica and John: Together Again?