Dec. 7, 2006

Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are trying to undo the impression that they're wobbling down a path of panty-less self-destruction. This week, the tabloid bait starlets separately sent out messages designed to do damage control, with differing degrees of success.

Video: Lohan and Spears spiraling out of control?

First up is Lohan, 20, who in between Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and hotspot-hopping tapped out an alarmingly meandering e-mail to friends and business associates about her PR-battered image, reports the New York Post.

"Al Gore will help me," the paper quotes her as penning last week (she and the former VP both attended the GQ Men of the Year soiree in Los Angeles on Nov. 29). "He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me."

But when the good folks at TMZ.com contacted Gore for comment over Lohan's tête-à-tête talk, his rep treated the topic like so much toxic waste, insisting he "only met Ms. Lohan once, very briefly" at the GQ shindig, amid "hundreds of other guests."

Lindsay further undoes all the progress the Democratic party has made of late by mentioning that Bill and Hillary Clinton, among others, might "be willing" to help -- "if we just ask. If we just ASK."

And while we're certain the former president would be just great at brokering a peace accord the next time Lindsay gets into a knock-down, drag-out fight with Paris Hilton, it appears the actress' delusions of grandeur are just beginning.

Lohan writes that she "is willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite [sic] letter to the press" to express her opinions on "how our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."

Obviously.

LiLo is also upset over the many recent reports of her allegedly out-of-control behavior, from the National Enquirer's claims of her health-endangering bouts of partying to the Post's tales of her claw-baring catfight with a former assistant.

"Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character," she fumes. "It's my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so ... I have had many ups and downs, as do we all ... I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be ..."

Lindsay then channels every Judy Blume book she ever read as she concludes, "... after all I've gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a woman's life -- it's enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change ... I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that ..."

Say it with us, people: Oy. (And Lindsay, honey, just step away from the Blackberry and find a mentor -- maybe not Al Gore -- who can nurture and guide you. Seriously, do it now.)

Video: Lohan says she likes to steal boyfriends

As for Britney, who recently hit the town with Lohan and Hilton, prompting the Post to dub them "The Three Bimbos of the Apocalypse," she -- or more likely her panicked management team -- is trying to defuse the firestorm sparked over her repeated late-night, undies-optional carousing in the post-Kevin Federline era.

"It's been so long since I've been out on the town with friends," she explains in a missive posted on her Web site. "It's also been 2 years since I've even celebrated my birthday."

But the Britster, who rang in her 25th birthday on Dec. 2 by flashing her beribboned undies to paparazzi while dining with pals at Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills, concedes that dumping the dead weight that was K. Fed may have caused her to go a little overboard with the fun.

"Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my newfound freedom a bit too far," admits the mom of Sean Preston, 15 months, and Jayden James, 3 months.

Spears then proceeds to turn lemons into lemonade by parlaying her recent crotch shots into a clever promotional plug.

"Anyway, thank God for Victoria's Secret's new underwear line!" she enthuses. "I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me."

Video: Britney comments on panty-less partying

Britney, who in a posting two years ago proclaimed, "To be a really good mom, I feel your child needs to be your full-time job. I want to raise my kids and share all of those precious moments with them, and not rely on nannies," ends by wishing everyone a happy holiday and making a promise that's sure to send chills down the spines of caseworkers at the Department of Children's Services: "I'm just getting started ..."