Posted Nov. 24, 2008

The one-year anniversary of Heath Ledger's death is only a couple of months away, but for Michelle Williams, the heartache is still all too fresh. In an interview with Newsweek, the actress starts crying at the first mention of her former flame's name.

"It's so sad," says Williams, who is mom to Ledger's lookalike daughter Matilda, 3.

Michelle and Heath hit an Oscar party together in 2006. (©Retna Ltd.)

When asked how she's been coping since his January passing from an accidental prescription drug overdose (they'd broken up three months before), she takes a long pause before answering.

"I guess it's always changing," Michelle finally offers. "What else can I say? I just wake up each day in a slightly different place -- grief is like a moving river, so that's what I mean by 'it's always changing.'"

Then, as her eyes well up again, she notes, "It's a strange thing to say, because I'm at heart an optimistic person, but I would say in some ways it just gets worse. It's just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone. In some ways, it gets worse. That's what I would say."

Not helping the situation is the presence of the paparazzi, who constantly trail Williams around her Brooklyn neighborhood when she's out with Matilda (and lately, when she's with new flame Spike Jonze).

"It burns a fire inside of me, the s--- that I've seen people do to get at me or my daughter," she fumes. "I won't forget it, and I won't support it. I don't want my daughter growing up feeling spied on or threatened."

So determined is Michelle to ensure Matilda has a normal childhood that she says she's willing to set aside her career, if necessary.

"If it gets to the point where I can't situate my life in a way that they stay away more, then I'll drop a match on the thing," vows Williams, who will soon hit screens in the indie drama "Wendy and Lucy." "I'll be sad. I like to act. It's saved my life over and over again. It's given me a sense of self-esteem, self-worth. I have this thing that I'm in love with -- acting -- and now it has this baggage."

Either way, she adds, "I don't want to work while she's in school. I want her to have a routine. I want the plainest, simplest, most ordinary, habituated routine possible. I just want to know what's coming next."