Victoria Beckham has forever ruined the fantasies of those who are set atwitter by cheese-slicing clavicles, spindly gams and bolted-on boobies. "I've got so much saggy skin on my stomach," the mom of sons Brooklyn, 7, Romeo, 4, and Cruz, 19 months, reveals to the Australian edition of Harper's Bazaar. "I might fit into jeans, but trust me, I look really awful naked." It's a refreshingly honest admission from the often-poker-faced Posh Spice, 32, who for good measure tosses in that she has "no bum at all." And despite Victoria's various couture-coordinated if expressionless photo ops with high-profile pal Katie Holmes during Paris Fashion Week a few days ago, she insists she'd rather be anonymous, telling the mag, "I don't need to feed my ego that way anymore."

In related news, Katie apparently wasn't suffering any posttraumatic flashbacks over returning to the place where she agreed to become Mrs. Tom Cruise in an Eiffel Tower-set proposal in June 2005. When asked by "Entertainment Tonight" how she was enjoying her fiancé- and Suri-free Parisian getaway, she replied, "It's wonderful -- so romantic." As for the "Dianetics"-devoted duo's endlessly hyped aisle-walk, FOX News' Roger Friedman predicts it will happen sometime during the first three weeks of November, which isn't quite the "early fall" timeline TomKat have long touted.

Tori Spelling is still months away from needing a nursing bra, but is she already milking her pregnancy? The New York Post says the expectant actress, who is believed to have inherited less than a million from her late father Aaron's estimated half-billion-dollar fortune, winged in to New York last week to pose in all her pregnant glow for OK! magazine, purportedly pocketing around $250,000 for the exclusive snaps. And it appears Tori's impending visit from the stork could net another bonus: a possible détente with purse-string-holding mom Candy Spelling, whom she's been feuding with for years. "I'm thrilled and ecstatic," the grandma-to-be enthuses to People magazine of the baby news, "and if Aaron were here, I know how thrilled he would also be to share in such a happy occasion."

Ellen DeGeneres has scored one of Oprah Winfrey's favorite things: a retreat in Santa Barbara County. The Los Angeles Times reports the amiable talk-show host has plunked down around $16.9 million for a pad in the Montecito area, the same swanky neighborhood where the Big O decompresses (she shelled out $50 million for a sprawling estate in 2001). DeGeneres settled on a four-bedroom, eight-bathroom (!), 5,000-square-foot 1926 Spanish Colonial Revival on four acres, which should provide plenty of space for partner Portia de Rossi to enjoy her horseback riding hobby.

Jude Law's hankering for nubile nannies has apparently given Sienna Miller an interesting perspective on human nature. "I don't know, monogamy is a weird thing for me," the Pittsburgh-provoking starlet understates to Rolling Stone. "It's an overrated virtue, because, let's face it, we're [bleeping] animals."