As the fires roar over Southern California and the industry holds it collective breath regarding a possible Writers Guild strike, your intrepid columnist surreally found himself all dolled up in black suit and tie sitting at a center table during the 11th Annual Hollywood Film Awards this past Monday night (thank you, Picturehouse). Never heard of it? As the final event of the dubious Hollywood Film Festival (don't ask), the show always has a who's who of major stars in attendance, because it conveniently occurs at the beginning of awards season. For instance, two seats to my left sat the stunningly beautiful Marion Cotillard, a surefire Oscar candidate for her work in "La Vie en Rose." Two seats to my right sat director Joel Schumacher, whose filmmaking talent may be in question, but whose funny quips made the night move that much faster (yes, personality gets you far in this town). John Travolta and Zac Efron sat at the table behind me, and Jennifer Connelly and husband Paul Bettany wolfed down their meals at the table to my left. During this early awards season lovefest, I made these observations:

Thank god somebody realized what was going on outside. One of the first winners, a producer of "300," was classy enough to elicit a standing ovation in honor of the firefighters who were no doubt trying to save some of the attendees' homes.

Mary Hart is a robot. As the show's master of cermonies, the "Entertainment Tonight" veteran read from the teleprompter with as much genuine enthusiasm as an OnStar operator. At times, she had to remind the audience she was going off-script (seriously).

Brad Pitt should host the Oscars. A surprise presenter, Pitt stole the show with a witty introduction of his "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" co-star Casey Affleck, who won the Breakthrough Actor award. Of course, Affleck's been around since 1995's "To Die For," and Pitt's sarcastic remarks about this "unknown" actor and constant mispronouncing of his name as "Cassie," made it difficult for the honoree to keep his composure when he accepted his trophy.

Will Ferrell should present at every awards function. While giving the Director of the Year award to Marc Forster for "The Kite Runner," Ferrell praised his "Stranger Than Fiction" helmer as the "best Swiss director ever" and for bringing "neutrality" to the directing profession (guess it's not as funny in print).

Janet Jackson has become amazingly skinny, amazingly quick. Unlike presenter Catherine Zeta-Jones, whose dress seemed to, um, assist in creating her hourglass figure, Ms. Jackson seems to have lost those love handles she carried only a few months ago. Why she presented an award to the cast of "Hairspray" for Best Ensemble is another question.

Kirstie Alley is a mess. 'Nuff said.

Marion Cotillard charmed the crowd. Accepting her award, the 32-year-old French actress appeared deeply moved as she described how she feels "she's living a dream." It was a humble moment that will no doubt warm the hearts of the numerous Academy members in the audience.

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