ALICE: I predict Bella is NOT going to like this picture.
JASPER: Yeah, baby. Edward's hair is totally weird in it. And his posture is
definitely less than godlike. But I will use my mind powers to calm her down.
BELLA: I know Edward means well, but when he holds my hands behind
my back
like this, I sort of feel like I'm being arrested and being arrested reminds me
of my dad, and when I'm standing right next to my boyfriend, I don't really want
to be thinking about my dad and handcuffs, you know? It just doesn't feel right.
EDWARD: She is so wobbly! If I weren't holding her like this, she would fall
over. Do you think she has an undiagnosed inner ear infection? Carlisle could
prescribe some antibiotics. I will ask him to do so immediately. Otherwise,
Bella might die and then the rest of my immortality would be a prison of
sorrows.
ROSALIE: I wonder if Bella knows that her brown jacket isn't all that
flattering. It makes me angrier than my perpetually empty womb to look at her.
EMMETT: Rosalie saved me from death by a bear. Is there anything hotter? Man,
I've got to get her into the woods again soon.
(Summit Entertainment)
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Martha
Brockenbrough is author of "Things That Make Us [Sic]," a guide to
funny bad grammar published by St. Martin's press. She also blogs about family
life for Cozi.com and writes an educational humor column for Encarta. Close
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