By Dave McCoy
MSN Movies Lead Editor

Upon arriving at the Debussy Theatre for the festival's first film, the opening-night morality drama, "Blindness," I spotted an MSN Movies contributor waiting in line. After exchanging pleasantries, he leaned in and said, "Sir, you may want to check your zipper." I did and then realized I had just enjoyed coffee and walked several blocks with my fly open. Thankfully, we Americans love telling other clueless Americans about our foibles. It also begs an important question: Reader, can you honestly trust a man's critical opinion when he doesn't even realize when he's sailing at half mast? You have 10 days to decide ...

White Out

First up for consideration is "Blindness," which has the honor of both opening Cannes and being entered in the official competition (it joins 21 other features, all vying for the prestigious Palme d'Or, not to mention many other awards). It's a fairly ironic choice. After all, what faculty does one need more than sight during a film festival? Yes, hearing is helpful, but there are plenty of subtitles. Trust me, you don't want smell here, especially on hot, muggy days. And fewer and fewer people actually think about what they see, so thought, reason and analysis aren't as important. But one definitely needs eyes to take in the optical overload that is a film festival, no matter how blurry and battered they are about to become.

So, as if to say, "Hey, aren't y'all lucky to watch what we're about to show you over the next few weeks?" Cannes kicks things off with an allegorical tale in which a city (perhaps the world) is hit, seemingly overnight, with a plague: A contagious blindness hits one man while driving, then blindness is passed on to an ophthalmologist (Mark Ruffalo) and so on. The afflicted see not darkness but blinding white light ("Feels like I'm swimming in milk," admits the driver). God's punishment for man's selfishness? Probably, because director Fernando Meirelles ("City of God," "The Constant Gardener") isn't really interested in telling a tale; he's got a serious morality play on his mind.

After a very long setup, where we see dozens go through the same "Oh, crap, I'm blind!" scenarios (cue screaming and stumbling into walls), the film shifts into ham-fisted overdrive. Once the government steps in, hoards the inflicted together and vanishes them to an abandoned mental institution, "Blindness" becomes an international microcosm: a multitude of nationalities and races fill (and fight and f--- in and destroy) the quarantine center -- imagine "Babel" and all of its "messages" and archetype-cum-characters stuffed in a single claustrophobic, decaying institution. We have an upper-class white couple (Ruffalo and Julianne Moore, who somehow is immune to the affliction and can see the chaos around her), a middle-class Japanese couple (Yusuke Iseya and Yoshino Kimura), a black narrator (Danny Glover), a Latina prostitute (Alice Braga) who mothers a small child, an evil Mexican entrepreneur (Gael Garcia Bernal) and a Canadian thief (Don McKellar, who also wrote the screenplay). Oh, and eventually a loyal dog that is more humane than the animals he serves is thrown in the mix. If you haven't figured it out -- and you will very, very early on -- "Blindness" is a big metaphor. How early? Glover tells us 10 seconds in: "I don't think we went blind, but we always were that way." Deep, dude, deep. Thanks for verbalizing that subtext.

What could have been a creepy, intelligent horror/drama is essentially stripped of any humanity and humility because Meirelles chose to populate his meandering film with pretentious symbols instead of flesh-and-blood people (or, at least, fleshed-out characters). And what a cast to castrate. Everyone does his and her best blind impersonation, but Julianne Moore's character has the toughest challenge. As the only one with sight, she acts as a mirror and conveys the tragedy surrounding her. It's a staggering physical and emotional challenge; that Moore acutely succeeds despite the limitations of the script is quite impressive. But, let's face it: The sexy Moore could act opposite a foot stool and make you think she'd fallen in love, so ... (sorry, was having a moment there). But forget performances. Meirelles is more concerned with sledgehammer messages of government indifference and human opportunism, emotional distance from others and our essential animistic core (side note: Isn't it offensive to infer the world becomes an apocalyptic wasteland if we lose our ability to see? Curious to hear what Ray Charles would think about that concept ...). So, when he goes all "Lord of the Flies" in the asylum, and forces on us degrading sequences of brutal gang rape and cold-blooded murder, the scenes feel like stylistic dissertations (oh, how Meirelles indulges himself with flashy cinematic technique ... and has since his ostentatious "City of God"). You sit there and think, "Wow, that's horrible. Hope that doesn't happen ... hmmm ... How long is this movie again?"

These ideas have been explored before: Watch any George Romero zombie movie. "Dawn of the Dead" is a parable too -- only it's got a sense of humor and cleverness and doesn't solemnly beat viewers over the head repeatedly (ironically author Jose Saramago, who wrote the 1995 novel, hesitated giving up rights on his story for fear that someone would turn it into a zombie picture). I expected more from screenwriter McKellar, a darkly hilarious Canadian actor/director who once turned the end of the world into a cosmic, poignant, very human comedy with "Last Night." Sadly, this script lacks any of that humanity. Perhaps the blame doesn't lie with either the director or the screenwriter. Saramago came up with this high-concept/low-payoff drivel. The filmmakers earned his blind faith that they'd turn his best-seller into a compelling cinematic vision. The unflinching violence is still there and some hypnotic, unmistakably powerful images keep "Blindness" from disaster, but ultimately, there's nothing to see here but a shallow, manipulative surface.

Quote of the Day

One critic to another: "[The amount of] press looks smaller this year. So many critics are being fired. [Sighs] In the old days, people just died, but now ..."

A demain ...

Tomorrow: The animated film "Kung Fu Panda" makes its world premiere ... at Cannes. Weird, I know. Plus, I reveal my first great discovery at Cannes (hint: It is also animated).

Dave McCoy is lead editor for MSN Movies. He'll file daily dispatches from Cannes through May 25.

Will you see "Blindness"? Write us at heymsn@microsoft.com

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