'The Water Horse' Paddles Hard, Needs a Lifeboat

By Martha Brockenbrough
MSN Cinemama

"The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep" is a great example of something that sounds good on paper -- and looked good in its book form -- but turns out to be a disappointing movie.

It's "E.T." meets "Free Willy," only without the heartwarming touches that made those movies hits with kids.

Directed by Jay Russell ("Tuck Everlasting"), the movie is adapted from the book by Dick King-Smith, who also wrote the story that became "Babe." Kids who have read King-Smith's book should be warned not to expect a faithful retelling, especially if they like the character Grumble. He doesn't appear onscreen. The role of Kirstie has also been reduced.

As the movie begins, we learn that Angus MacMorrow (Alex Etel) has a mortal fear of water. While playing in a tide pool, he finds a strange egg that he takes home to his father's workshop.

Angus soon discovers he's got a mysterious creature on his hands. He names it Crusoe and eventually lets his sister in on the secret, and -- with the help of a handyman -- figures out where Crusoe belongs, and how to keep it safe from the people who would photograph it, or shoot it to smithereens.

As if Scotland and its accents weren't picturesque enough, the story takes place during World War II, giving the filmmakers a chance to trot out all manner of military uniforms and equipment, including what appears to be Col. Klink's riding crop.

It all sounds harmless enough, and the story isn't a bad one. What's more, it has a good cast, including Oscar nominee Emily Watson as Angus' mother, Anne.

What trips up "The Water Horse" is the over-the-top stuff meant to ratchet up the drama. It's like one of those radio-station haunted houses: scary for little kids and a bit embarrassing for grown-ups. This isn't a great mix for a family movie, unless you for some reason like to wince while your little kids weep.

And it's a shame. King-Smith is a literary wonder, and a really good movie about the Loch Ness monster would have been a great holiday treat.

What's in It for Kids

Movie graphics are getting really good. Crusoe looks quite real, especially in the scenes where he/she (water horses are both) trundles down the hall of Angus' Scottish manor. (The monster is made by Weta Digital, the same company that worked on "King Kong" and "The Lord of the Rings.")

Kids will definitely believe Crusoe exists, and the actors who play Angus and his sister Kirstie (Priyanka Xi) are equally compelling. In this respect "The Water Horse" succeeds.

The question, though, is why Russell chose to dial up the drama unnecessarily, even using horror movie techniques. It's just going to scare kids younger than 10 or so. And it doesn't add anything to the story.

It was enough, for example, to show that Angus is afraid of the water in the opening scene. The creepy giggling children sound effects, not matched by the imagery, are completely off-putting. And later, when Angus first sees the water horse, the search for it is reminiscent of "Alien," with the scuttling noises in spooky, dark places.

Yes, the boy is supposed to be a fearful lad. But the feeling the movie creates is more paranoia than fear. It's just too much for much of the movie's intended audience. The worst, though, is the portrayal of the soldier meant to be a crack hunter. His scariness is about as subtle as, well, a Loch Ness monster at the ballet.

The PG rating for action and peril (along with mild language and brief smoking) is appropriate.

What's in It for Grown-ups

The filmmakers tried to increase the adult appeal by giving the story its World War II backdrop, which in Hollywood symbolizes heroics we can only dream of in our shabby world. Angus isn't just a Scottish boy who lives by the sea; he's also awaiting the return of his father, who's off fighting the war.

Yet there's more to the missing father than the boy reveals. We get an inkling of this from Watson's performance. There must be some reason she's walking around with a wounded expression.

This, though, is where the story goes off the rails a bit. Angus gets not one, but two replacement father figures (and arguably a third, in the form of an officious navy captain billeted at the manor). The most obvious ersatz dad comes in the form of the handyman, Lewis Mowbray (Ben Chaplin).

For some reason, people keep getting Mr. Mowbray's name wrong. This was apparently supposed to be funny, as there was no dramatic payoff for the motif. This is a small detail, to be sure, but it's the sort of thing that makes the movie feel assembled from a kit of parts, rather than an organic whole.

This, combined with the over-the-top sound effects, makes you end up feeling manipulated -- not captivated. It's as though you're looking at a doctored photo of the Loch Ness monster, instead of the real thing. Alas.

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Martha Brockenbrough is author of "It Could Happen to You: Diary of a Pregnancy and Beyond." She's also founder of SPOGG, the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar. She writes a fun-with-kids column for Cranium.com, as well as an educational humor column for Encarta. Check out her Web site.

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