Waistland: Look, we get that Jessica Simpson wanted to turn around her blonde bombshell image, but come on, did she really need to take things quite so literally? Never before have we seen the term "assbackward" personified quite so perfectly as it is with these bloated baby blue pants of crapulence. And we're not talking about those puffy pleated pockets that would work far better from behind. Well, not just those. Jess has unwisely traded her tuchis-tickling Daisy Dukes for a sternum-squeezing waistline that would have both Pee-Wee Herman and Ed Grimley begging for lowriders. What's more, Jessica's left hand is tugging her trousers even higher, seemingly to show her dad -- who once crowed that her double-Ds couldn't be covered up -- that they, in fact, can, given the right jacked-up pants. And in a final bit of contradiction, the mammose, faux-maned starlet unwisely lets her frequently squashed-together and on-display cleavage roam free beneath that ultimate sartorial oxymoron, the short-sleeved turtleneck. This head-scratching item neither warms you up nor cools you down, which actually makes it an ideal symbol for Simpson's tepid style. (X17Online)